FLASHFACTS

Assertiveness

Have you ever had someone else's opinion stop you from voicing your own or have their opinion change your way of thinking?

Being able to be assertive is the ability to communicate your thoughts and feelings in a way that clearly explains your needs and keeps the relationship with the other intact. There are a few ways to effectively create the assertiveness that you need to properly express yourself. The benefits of becoming assertive are many and varied some of which include:

• Having the right not to explain your actions to others
• It allows you to properly express how you wish to be treated
• The right to have positive, satisfying relationships in which you feel comfortable and free to express honestly- and the right to change or end relationship if they don not meet your needs.

Acting passively towards situations in relationships takes these freedoms that you are entitled to, away and gives power to someone else. It is important to trust your own judgments as well as your own emotions.

There are limitations that need to be placed on your assertiveness so that it does not create self-centeredness. The reason for this is that when you act in this way it violates the rights of others to also be assertive. There are certain things that assertiveness will not do for you. No matter how assertive you are it does not guarantee happiness or fair treatment by others. It also does not guarantee the ideal outcome of a situation nor will it solve your all of your personal problems.

There are specific techniques that allow for a greater amount of success in being assertive. Some of them are:

• Making sure that you are as specific and clear as you possibly can be about your ideas, what you want, feel, and think. It is important to make sure that when you are expressing yourself do so in the most appropriate manner using "I" statements such as "I do not agree with you.".
• When being assertive you must remember that your opinions, thoughts, and feelings come from your perception of the situation.
• After you have stated what you need to ask the receiver of your comments fro some feedback to make sure that they have equal opportunity to express themselves.

The process of learning to become assertive can be complicated and your need to be understood is not always the most important thing. There is a delicate balance to being heard and being annoying. The nonverbal communications such as tone of voice and body posture when presenting yourself are indications of assertiveness. All of these skills will afford you the opportunity to use your new found assertiveness.

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